Riding the Rollercoaster

We're about to embark our fourth attempt at creating a PBX and I've finally got around to creating this blog!

Despite adding to the multitude of lesbian baby making blogs out there, and thus subscribing to yet another lesbian stereotype (we're really good at that!), we want to have a space to remember the ups and downs of this process, and to eventually share with others in our life.

I will attempt to go back in time over the next while to document how we got to where we are now - deciding to have another baby, finding a donor and all the pitfalls that go with that, and the first three attempts complete with crushing disappointment, self-doubt and stress.

I should be ovulating tomorrow according to calculations. J, our donor, is poised ready to catch a flight to come down for the occasion should my body decide to cooperate (I should mention at this point that it frequently does not!). This is the exciting and optimistic part. Assuming that we manage to pinpoint when ovulation will approximately occur, J and LB and I, and sometimes Princess, will have dinner and good conversation, then J will disappear into the spare room. That's the awkward part! Though it is getting easier with each attempt. By this time, LB and
I are ensconced in our room, 'getting ready'. J will hand off a syringe filled with little swimmers to LB, who will come back to me and hopefully we'll create a PBX!

And then the interminable two week wait (which can take more than 3 weeks) begins. That's the hard part, especially for me given my impatience and need for instant gratification. During that time, LB and I overanalyse every little thing that I feel and that may or may not be different about me, my moods, my body. The last three times have ended in afore mentioned crushing disappointment, requiring the need for cookie cream commotion, tears and our own little pity party.

But that may not happen this time! Right now, optimism reigns, along with uncertainty and stress (is the timing right, and am i relaxed enough, can we sort out the logistics?).

Now if only we could correctly interpret what those lines mean.... Was that a LH surge? Why are the lines getting lighter instead of darker? Did we miss ovulation? Why would I have ovulated already? it's only day 12 and I usually don't get a LH surge until day 13... Oh no, gotta relax, stop stressing...... STOP BRAIN STOP!