Epic Craziness

Well what a month - I'm not sure where to start to chronicle all that has happened. This blog is going to end up with novel like proportions.

Princess has been sick again. She was quite ill, and the new doctor that we went to suggested that her chest issues may be due to asthma so we're going to try preventative medication for a few months to see if that makes a difference. We really hope it does.

When Princess was sick, I had to have more time off work to be at home for her. When I went back to work, I got a lecture about how they are disappointed in my reliability. The next day, they asked me to increase my hours every day (thus eliminating any of the flexibility I have thus far enjoyed) and to work for more days every week. They knew that this is just not possible for me. So I told them that they would have to find someone else who could work the hours that they need, because I can't. It only occurred to me a few hours later that they were completely aware that I was not able to do what they asked, that it was strange that all the flexibility was suddenly gone, and that this was most probably just a way to get rid of me without actually firing me (cos that's illegal of course). Or am I just paranoid? In any case, I will shortly be out of a job. And of course, I am almost finished caring for the many children I have been caring for for the past two years because it's just too stressful and full on. I guess now we'll just have to cope with the stress of unemployment and job hunting :(

What else has happened? Princess went on her first school camp, which was daunting but exciting - she had a wonderful time. LB had surgery to remove some breast lumps (which are not nasty but annoying) so has been very bruised and battered for a while. I found out that the career path that I had been planning on is no longer available, and that I will have to complete a masters in order to become qualified. Another two years study.

But good stuff has happened too! My cycle seems to have settled somewhat, with last month being somewhat conventional, which brings our hopes up for this month. J says he's most probably going to be available for insemination too, even though it will be just before christmas. LB and I both got our marks for this semester's study, and we both passed! yay! I even did much better than passing - i did exceptionally well, which is a nice surprise after the stress of this semester. LB usually out performs me, but this semester has been unbelievably hard for her for a number of reasons, and she is really pleased with her marks too. And I'm very proud of both of us.

We've been having discussions with Princess' dad (R1) about christmas. Every year of Princesses life, we've all spent christmas morning together. But he just flippantly said a few weeks ago that he thought it was too early and he wouldn't bother this year. That made me really sad, because I'm proud of the fact that despite our differences (which are ultimately very small in the grand scheme of things), we have managed to get it together for Princess every year. So I told him how I felt and yesterday we reached a compromise that he and his partner (R2) would come over christmas morning, albeit a bit later. I'm glad that our christmas tradition will hold, even though it can be somewhat uncomfortable!

I went to a conference on the weekend where a professor from my university was giving a presentation about the current state of parenting recognition for lesbian mothers in the various australian states. It was very interesting and definitely illuminating. And I got a chance to to speak to her afterwards and she had some advice for me - that we should bypass the gps and go directly to a clinic - then go back to the gp and get a referral once we have an appointment... And also that as far as parenting recognition for LB goes, we're better off using a clinic if at all possible, and also travelling to canberra to give birth if we ever get that far. All of this was very interesting, and it was great to talk to this accomplished successful woman, but afterwards I was just kicking myself. Although I initially approached her with a question about her presentation, the whole conversation became about my private journey. And ultimately I would like to conduct research very similar to hers, and she could be a very important colleague once I get a bit more qualified - i feel like it was a wasted opportunity, professionally that is. Why does everything become about TTC? It has taken over our lives....

We decided against contacting the clinic direct at this stage. It feels a bit sneaky and underhand, and we're not quite desperate enough to do that yet. We've got an appointment with another doctor on monday, who specialises in women's health and obstetrics and gynaecology. hopefully she'll be more willing to help us!

And plans for the next insemination are under way! If this month's cycle follows last month's, ovulation will be day 17 - which is heaps later than we have estimated in all our previous attempts (and we used cheap opks too...). That will be 22 december. we have stocked up on better quality opks, are taking temps religiously at 530am every day (groan), and are in close contact with j about his trip down to see us....

This week is crazy - training tonight, two christmas parties tomorrow, princess' school concert wednesday night, babysitting and looking at houses thursday night, one of my little monkey's last day with me on friday... i'm exhausted just thinking about it. And next week will just as crazy - appointment with new doctor, insemination, last week of caring for all of my little monkeys. That will be a bitter sweet thing. relief that the stress and hard work is over, sadness that this time is over, and these little guys will not take up such a large part of my life... at least i'll see two of them regularly next year....

ok, time to end the novel like post! mental note: maybe if i blogged a little more frequently, the posts might not be so long....